Chicago Bars FTWhat?

Quenchers Saloon

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 14:52:33 -0400

Hey everyone, I moved! I now live in Logan Square, in close proximity to the Burlington, so my opinion of that fine establishment is only going up. But now that I am mostly settled, posting shall resume.

Quenchers is located not too far from me, at the corner of Fullerton and Western. With a name like Quenchers Saloon, I didn’t expect much, it sounds like a bro-y kind of joint, but I’m always happy to be surprised, especially when it comes to my drink. Quenchers is a beer bar through and through, but while other beer bars class up their love of shitty-hops with booths and quiet dining, Quenchers takes the opposite route, with a stage for up and coming bands, a photo booth for chug-fests, video games for the lonely alkies, and a popcorn machine with bottles of hot sauce. Yes, hot-sauce-popcorn. Fuck yeah.

The service here is always stellar, prompt, knowledgeable and above all, kind. Quenchers gives back to its drinkers too, with planned trips to breweries and distilleries. Building community while destroying your liver. My kind of place.

Quenchers: FTW.

The Hideout

Sat, 16 May 2009 14:56:29 -0400

The Hideout is located in the middle of nowhere. Like, seriously. The middle of nowhere. I have cabbed it here more times than I care to mention, stumbled home through traffic more times than I can remember. The Hideout is a blast. Cheap drinks, space to sit/stand and chat, and a nice big dance floor to get crazy on. They have a little fenced in yard out front to bullshit in and the sound system is loud enough. The decor is eclectic and charming and bartenders quick with the cans of Old Style. 2 dollars? Sounds good. 5 dollars for a big ‘ol shot of Beam and can of Hamm’s? Sounds better. Did I mention the dance floor is wild? Cause it is. I have yet to have a bad time inside the Hideout.

The Hideout: FTW.

New Wave Coffee

Fri, 15 May 2009 02:15:13 -0400

Christ, I really need to start drinking again. No new posts because no new bars, folks. Recommendations for places to try? Lemme know! If they sound half good or half bad, I’ll check them. That isn’t to say I haven’t been to more bars than I’ve posted about, it’s just that I haven’t been to those bars recently. I don’t want to post about some bar I went to like a year ago and had a crappy night. I want current shit! I’ve been frequenting my favorites as of late, and that’s my fault. I know. I’m sorry, but I keep going back to the FTW’s to get drunk. Oops. So, here’s a coffee shop I’ve been to. It’s like a bar for the 21st century!

New Wave Coffee is located in beautiful and scenic Logan Square. It’s pretty good. They serve Metropolis Redline and serve it well. The milk varies from person to person, but generally really good. Stick to the cappuccinos and you’ll never be let down. The decor is pretty great, seating good, food excellent (But really, who gives a shit, go somewhere else to eat, damnit!), and baristas are top notch. Stop in if you get the chance. They have two front doors!

New Wave Coffee: FTW.

Reggie's Rock Club

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 15:00:01 -0400

I feel like this tumblr should really be called “Chicago Nights Out FTWhat?” because I end up at bars for specific reasons and parties and not just to be in the bar itself. Oh well. I’m sticking with reviewing the bar regardless, I’ve done it for the others, I’ll do it for Reggie’s!

Reggie’s is a rock club. What this means is that they plaster the walls with rock and roll posters, have a stage, and the menu is shaped like an LP. The bartenders were prompt and the cheese sticks were good enough. I don’t like this place though. It feels like a low-rent Hard Rock Cafe. The rock and roll vibe seems forced and pointless, the bar itself is really clean and spacious; everything seems brand new. They have a full food menu and a really standard beer list. I have no reason to ever go to this bar again. For Rock and Roll, stick with Delilah’s. I guess it is still better than Alive One. Shudder.

Reggie’s: FTL.

Delilah's

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:50:38 -0400

Delilah’s is loctated at the corner of fuck you and use google.

Didn’t think it would take me this long to get around to Delilah’s, did you? Well, it did. But here we are. Delilah’s is probably my favorite bar of all time, or at the worst, a close second to the Blind Pig in Champaign , Illinois. Delilah’s has great rock and roll, amazing specials, great taps, great bottle selection, and the biggest collection of Whiskey in America, I want to say top 5 in the world. For a bar with such a huge stock in drinking right, there is no pretention. The bathrooms are shitholes , the bar is dark and loud and although I’m not a punk, I’ve never felt out of place. Delilah’s is the best. You should go. Buy their private label 15 year Rye Whiskey. It’s possibly the best whiskey you’ll ever have. Ever.

Delilah’s: Are you joking? FTMFW.

Tiny Lounge

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:33:54 -0400

Tiny Lounge is located at Leavitt and Montrose in wonderful Lincoln Square.

I have a quest for knowledge. I like to be well versed in whatever I am doing. This includes drinking. When I go out for good (Sorry, not PBR) beer or cocktails, I want to be able to converse with my server or bartender about ingredients, flavor profiles and pairings. This is why I come to Tiny Lounge. Tiny Lounge is damn near perfect.

A haven away from the brauhauses and sports bars, Tiny Lounge seems rather out of place in the family oriented neighborhood of Lincoln Square. The lounge is super trendy looking, with dim lighting, modernest furniture and frosted glass everywhere. But the pretension that exists in the decor does not carry over to the staff. They are friendly and courteous with a knack for remembering names. As knowledgeable as they come, when we asked about a bisongrass vodka, we were presented with a sample.

Beyond the waitstaff, Tiny Lounge still wins: a solid and well priced beer list, delicious cocktails, and a intimate setting. You can’t go wrong with Tiny Lounge.

Tiny Lounge: FTW.

Flat Iron

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 01:04:00 -0400

“Oh, hey Matt, what’s going on? I haven’t seen you in like forever!”

“Yeah, I know. I hate this fucking place.”

Flat Iron. Guh. Flat Iron is one of a few 4 am bars serving the Crotch of Chicago. It’s a huge space with two bars, 4 or 5 pool tables, a ton of seating, a digital jukebox, and everyone you’ve ever met ever. And, as far as I can tell, no one really wants to be there.

Seriously, every time I go there I run into everyone I know in Chicago. And everyone bemoans the fact that we are meeting in Flat Iron. Why do we come here? What’s the point if we all hate it so much? My guess is that the drive to come to Flat Iron stems from the fact that at 2 am, you are at that perfect state of drunk when you don’t want to go home because you think that something wonderful could happen. It could, but it won’t, and it most certainly won’t happen at Flat Iron.

I can count on one finger the amount of times I have had fun at Flat Iron. And that’s really only because I had just came from a dance party started by a fart and we had sharpies. Yet I keep going back to this dump. Every week. Again and again.

My favorite story from Flat Iron happened a couple of weeks ago. After the bartender finished hitting on my friend, I asked for a PBR. She walked to the end of the bar, opened something, peered around, then meandered back to where I was standing. She looked at me and wandered to the other end of the bar, found a PBR and walked back. She pops it open, sets it in front of me. “2.50” she says. I hand her a 20 and turns around. She turns back and slurs, “What did you have again?” I show her my PBR. “Right,” she says. She turns around. Back. “How much did you give me?” “A twenty,” I respond. “Right,” as she turns around. Once more she turns back. “I should get 17.50 in change.” “Right.” She turns around and I get my change. God, I hate Flat Iron.

See you next Saturday.

Flat Iron before 2 am: FTL.

The walk to Flat Iron at 2 am: FTW.

Flat Iron after 2 am: WTF.

The Hungry Brain

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 21:14:06 -0400

The Hungry Brain is located on Belmont just east of Western.

Going to the Hungry Brain feels like coming home. I love this bar. Dark enough for magic, comfy enough for long nights, quiet enough for conversation, loud enough to rock out, and cheap enough to get wasted. They stock little but they select well; there is usually a Three Floyds and a Dogfishhead on tap and they’ll never run out of cheap Pabst. The bartenders are friendly and quick, the crowd is never rowdy. They offer Pac-Man, Galaga, and Arkanoid, and a really kick ass jukebox. I’ve sunk more dollars into that thing on a night than tips, and I tip every drink. The Hungry Brain might be perfect. And it’s just steps away from Underbar. Never go there.

Hungry Brain: FTW.

The Burlington

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:04:24 -0400

Located on Fullerton just west of Kimball.

I almost always have a good time when I go here. Granted I’ve only been here for Oldies Night which I do not think is representative of the bar, but it’s still a great time. Plus the bar is on Fullerton west of Kimball. How often am I going to end up here?Sheesh.

Burlington on Oldies Night is great. 2 Buck PBR, Gumballhead specials, cheap mixed drinks and super friendly slash efficient bartenders. Tons of people, really great music. The bar gets a little crowded, but there is usually dancing and lot of carrying on. I don’t think I’ve left this bar before 2. Maybe once, when I was sober and needed a ride home. Otherwise, what’s the point? Where else is the party going to stay this strong until close?

Burlington: FTW.

Rainbo Club

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:47:31 -0400

I like the Rainbo Club. I like the Rainbo club when it is packed to the gills and when it’s you and the bartender. I like that it’s a quick place to stop of for a pint of cold PBR for 2 bucks or a place to get eyed like a sale item at H & M. I like the Rainbo Club.

Rainbo is somewhere between a dive and whatever is slightly above dive status. I don’t think anyone but hipsters ever frequents this place, so I don’t think it’s a dive in the truest sense of the word, but it doesn’t have anything else going for it. The seating is minimal but comfy, big booths line the back of the space, with a large clover shaped bar in the front. The bathrooms are shitty and dirty, and the bartenders are not the nicest in the city, but the bar has charm. Cheap, strong drinks, a great photobooth, good music, and what is probably my favorite part about it, Nelson Algren used to get drunk here. Plus if you are in your 20s and feeling down, go her on a Friday or Saturday. You’ll get enough eyes to get that confidence back.

Rainbo Club: FTW

Tamales Tamales Tamales!

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 03:47:00 -0400

Tamales Tamales Tamales!:

Not a bar, but super related. I used to get the cheese tamales (“Queso! Queso!”) until one hangover I realized I had no idea what I was eating. Who makes them? Where are they made? Is it safe? Now I know. My tamale eating days have returned!

Tamale Man: FTMFW

The Whistler

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 03:20:00 -0400

I am really trying to stick to one post per day slash only reviewing bars that I go to within like a week or so but since I didn’t get in a post for the 31st of March, I’m going to double post.

The Whistler is a tough one. Located in beautiful and scenic Logan Square, it’s half hipster hangout and half neo-coctail powerhouse. Or so it seems. I see it more like half hipster hangout and half-assed lazy hipster take on the neo-cocktail movement. They have this real, “Whatever, we don’t have to have class to make good cocktails,” but the whatever ‘tude seems to go farther than just their vibe. To me, it spills over into their liquor selection and thus, their cocktail menu. Granted, it seems to be growing, but their whisky selection alone is criminally small, especially when this bar is continually placed second to Violet Hour. The cocktails are for the most part professionally mixed, if a bit limited and delivered with really stellar service.

The bar itself is tiny, with a rather large stage in front. Not much seating, but a nice atmosphere and a pretty great decor. Prices are terrific, specialty cocktails are 8 bucks but they go the extra “whatever” to have Pabst priced at 2. It makes for a really nice combo, a (sometimes) solid cocktail to start followed by cheap shitty hops and barley to get a nice drunk on.

The Whistler: FTW.

Danny's

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 01:44:00 -0400

I rarely have a good time here.

I guess I should elaborate. Danny’s is a shithole. The bartenders are pretty rude (I’ve seen them throw out a kid for not tipping. Not that that is outrageous, but where else would a bartender do that?), Pabst costs 3 bucks, the bathrooms are filthy, it’s always way too crowded, I get way to drunk here, and everybody dances. Everybody dances at Danny’s. EVERYBODY.

Danny’s: FTW.

“You tip a buck on every drink. If the beer costs two, you pay three. Three, you pay four. Four, you pay five. If the beer costs five, you’re in the wrong fucking bar.”

L & L Tavern

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:09:54 -0400

Oh, L & L. Many a night I have spent here, emptying bottles of PBR and wailing about the shit smell that explodes from the bathroom anytime anyone opens the door. The L & L is a dive; the ceiling is cracking, the bar-stools are repaired with PBR stickers and they have a really silly selection of Irish whisky. The Jukebox is stacked and the bartenders are friendly enough that on occasion, a free beer has been handed out. I’ve heard that they used to host punk shows, and a good portion of the clientele looks like that could be true; Chicago punk-rockers the Lawrence Arms even featured this mighty tavern in one of their songs. On the weekend the place gets packed with hipsters, but during the week it’s a selection of young people and old drunks.

My favorite L & L memory begins like most of them, I arrived to the tavern after work for a few beers with coworkers. While sitting at one of the few round tables, we notice a strung out looking gentleman leave the bathroom, in one hand is an Aldi bag, the other a small skinny glass filled with beer. Suddely, the bartender rushes around the bar at him, grabs his arm in one hand and his shirt collar in the other. He slams the beer to the ground and heaves the drunk towards the door, shouting that no one brings their own beer into his tavern. The drunk spits in his face as the bartenders heaves him out into the street, while screaming “I’m going to cut your throat!” The bartender yells back, “Fuck you, try it!” and slams the door on the inebriate. He rushes back to the bar, grabs a sawed of pool cue and goes after the drunkard down the street. He left us and a couple of regulars alone in the bar for a good 7 minutes.

L & L Tavern: FTW.

Smart Bar

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 14:09:16 -0400

I had a good time at Smart Bar once. It was my 21st birthday. I saw the Field dj and I don’t really remember buying a drink. I do remember that there was some Bushmills special that wasn’t outrageous. Those times, sadly, are gone. I am now 23 nothing at Smart Bar costs less than 5 dollars. That isn’t entirely true, I’m really 22 going on 23 and a bottle of Heineken Light is 4 dollars. So that means, if tipping on every drink, you can spend 20 bucks and get a whopping 4 Heineken Lights. Until of course the bar runs out of this elixir and you are force to buy 5 dollar High Life. 5 dollars for a High Life? Come on.

This also brings up the fact that you have to pay to get into Smart Bar. So, last night I spent 10 dollars to get into the bar and then another 20 to get buzzed. All the while waiting for a dj to come on. Chicago bars close at 3 on Saturdays. Your clientele is sobering very fast. What time should you start the music? I would say before fucking 2 am.

This isn’t an isolated incident. Everytime I go to this bar it’s the same thing. High cover, high prices, buzzkill, late dj. I don’t care if I can see Frankie Knuckles here, I’d rather get my dance on somewhere else where I can also get drunk.

Smart Bar: FTL.